I Search for Myself
When the quarantine days started, it was a flashback to me. Three and half years ago, I was in hiding from the police in Turkey for three months. However, there is a big difference between then and now. These days I have freedom. I can go outside to walk in the park or forest with my daughters. In those days I didn’t have freedom or family. My kids were with my friend and my mother-in-law was in our home. I was at someone else’s home 600 kilometers away and my husband was in jail.
Fortunately, now I am in Canada, in my new home with my new hopes which echo my name, ‘Umut’.
As an internationally graduated medical doctor, I applied to volunteer. If they need more healthcare workers, they will call me. However, they don’t provide accommodations to isolate ourselves from our kids and family, which is extremely necessary.
I believe these tough days will pass but no one will be the same as before. Everybody will have realized that life is short and the only permanent thing is love. Now, I search for myself. I read thousand-page-books to find my soul. I would like to see the truth of life, to do what we, Muslims, refer to as “die before dying”. Death is always with us. If we can learn from it, we will be happier. Its lesson is to love and respect the world and all people despite differences. So, I am trying to learn it. I think this journey will last the whole of my life.